Pam Quick lives in Chattanooga, TN and is looking for lunch partners. She is also Sherone Sader's sister.

Noodle Practice

by Pam Quick

"You know, I have never discovered a refined way to eat noodles. You either get too many twirled onto your fork and have to shove the big ball wad of them into your mouth with stray noodles trailing off and getting all over your chin, or you cut them in smaller pieces and end up sitting there endlessly twirling your fork in your plate and starving. While I was eating Chinese food at lunch today having Lo Mein noodles and Szechuan chicken I was pondering this very thing."

"I decided twirling a wad of noodles and stabbing a piece of chicken to hold them in place before stuffing the wad in my mouth was the most efficient, if not ladylike way to get the job done. And while I was shrugging off the thought that those around me in the restaurant were giving me sidelong glances, I noticed the sweet spicy-ness of the chicken was tickling my sinuses."

"You know, I have never discovered a refined way to sneeze with food in your mouth. Before I could make a move for my napkin the sneeze came with the half-chewed bite still in my mouth. I did my best to cover it with my hand so as not to shower my audience with a response."

"You know, I have never discovered a refined way to pick lo mein noodles off your hand, the front of your shirt, and your face."

"Through the experience some things are coming together for me... Why the lady didn't ask me if it was dine in or take out. She just put my food in a to-go container. Why the selection of lunch buddies willing to eat with me is growing sparse. Why I'm 42 and still single."

"Well, for all those things I haven't yet discovered, I'm getting some practice. It wasn't much of a surprise when I opened my fortune cookie and read "Your innovative nature will help you come up with a solution." I'm sure the patrons at the Chinese place sure hope so."